Indian cricket teams have notoriously been known for lacking the ‘killer instinct’. Here’s a look at one Indian team which has all possible predatory instincts.
Wah Sarkar decided to select 11 of our finest parliamentarians from the Lok Sabha to form a team of world beaters/killers/murderers/thugs. Out of 543 members, 162 MPs have pending criminal cases*. Thus it was a tough task narrowing this immensely talented bunch down to just 11. We have selected a team based on variety and ingenuity of crimes committed.
1. Kameshwar Baitha (JMM), Constituency: Palamau (Jharkhand) Total Criminal Cases: 35, Total IPC Charges: 170 Right Hand Cold Blooded Murderer
Kameshwar is the big daddy of the team. His record in terms of numbers is exceptional and unparalleled. Having committed every conceivable murder related crime multiple times, made him an automatic pick. His record boasts of close to 30 murder related charges. Expect the opposition to self destruct out of fear when Kameshwar is on the prowl.
2. Prabhatsinh Pratapsinh Chauhan (BJP), Constituency: Panchmahal (Gujarat) Total Criminal Cases: 3, Total IPC Charges : 20 Right Hand Habitual Cheat
Prabhatsinh is the most talented cheat in the team and brings in the right skill set to complement Kameshwar at the top of the order. Some of his charges include (take a deep breath) cheating, forgery, forgery for purpose of cheating, forgery of valuable will/security, forged document/electronic record, criminal breach of trust by clerk/public servant and criminal conspiracy. It is very likely that Prabhatsinh will be able to get his team to win the match without a ball being bowled.
3. Lalu Prasad (RJD), Constituency: Saran (Bihar) Total Criminal Cases: 7, Total IPC Charges : 12 Left Hand Grass Mower
The captain of the team brings with him a plethora of experience in crime. His history of the 950 crore fodder scam will ensure that any unwanted grass from the pitch would be removed with him just batting his eyelids. A brilliant orator, Lalu can be counted upon to motivate his team to find the right crime for the occasion.
4. P. Karunakaran (CPM), Constituency: Kasaragod (Kerala) Total Criminal Cases: 12, Total IPC Charges : 42 Right Hand Defamer
With more than 25 charges related to defamation, Karunakaran has a talent which would be valued in any team. He can leave the opposition in tears by exposing their darkest secrets. He also has 10 charges related to ‘Acts done by several persons in furtherance of common intention’ thus proving that he truly is a team player.
5. Shibu Soren (JMM), Constituency: Dumka (Jharkhand) Total Criminal Cases: 5, Total IPC Charges : 21 Right Hand Magician
One of the stalwarts of the team, Shibu has dabbled in crimes like murder, rioting and assault. But his X factor is his ability to magically disappear whenever an arrest warrant is issued against him. He also has charges of ‘’causing disappearance of evidence of offence’’ against him. Don’t be surprised if the entire opposition disappears before a match when Shibu is around.
6. Kalikesh Narayan Singh Deo (BJD), Constituency: Bolangir (Orissa) Total Criminal Cases: 2, Total IPC Charges : 7 Left Hand ChindiChor
Hailing from a royal background, Kalikesh’s greatest claim to fame is the alleged love affair he had with Raima Sen. However he also has one of the most intriguing criminal records. He has 2 charges related to ‘’obscene acts and songs’’ and 1 charge of ‘’mischief causing damage to the amount of fifty rupees’’. Kalikesh can be called upon by Lalu whenever a wedgie is to be given to the opponent.
7. Bal Kumar Patel (SP), Constituency: Mirzapur (Uttar Pradesh) Total Criminal Cases: 10, Total IPC Charges : 28 Right Arm Any Crime will do (allrounder)
Bal Kumar can trusted with any crime. His range includes murder, kidnapping, cheating, forgery, rioting and trespassing. He adds balance to the side and can switch from trespassing mode to murder mode in a jiffy.
8. Kirti Azad (BJP), Constituency: Darbhanga (Bihar) Total Criminal Cases: 3, Total IPC Charges : 8 Right Arm Expert
We decided to keep one slot for a player who has a cricketing history. But more importantly Kirti has a wide array of crimes to back him as well. He has pending charges of illegal payments, disobedience, joining unlawful assemblies, assault and criminal conspiracy. In fact it is this range that helped him edge Navjot Sidhu out of the team. Sidhu just has a single mundane murder related case pending against him.
9. Rajkumari Ratna Singh (INC), Constituency: Pratapgarh (Uttar Pradesh) Total Criminal Cases: 5, Total IPC Charges : 9 Right Arm Googly
Now what is a nice lady like her doing on this list? Well the princess from Pratapgarh has 2 charges related to attempt to murder pending against her. Looks are deceptive and Rajkumari would surely be able to catch the opposition off guard. Incidentally she also has 1 charge related to robbery as part of her repertoire. Never mind if she owns assets in excess of 67 crores.
10. Feroze Varun Gandhi (BJP), Constituency: Pilibhit (Uttar Pradesh) Total Criminal Cases: 6, Total IPC Charges : 24 Left Arm Instigator
Varun Gandhi is the sledging captain of the team. His criminal record has an attempt to murder charge, charges related to promoting enmity between different groups, charges of insulting religious beliefs, charges of intentional insult and criminal intimidation. Varun should be able to bring the opposition to its knees by the simple task of just opening his mouth.
11.Thirumaavalavan Thol (VCK) Constituency: Chidambaram (Tamil Nadu) Total Criminal Cases: 2, Total IPC Charges : 8 Right Arm Confidence
Thiru will provide the confidence that Murderers Eleven would need during crucial junctures. His criminal record oozes with his self confidence. He has 1 charge related to assaulting president/governor etc., 1 charge of injuring/defiling place of worship and 5 charges of intention of causing riots. His stint as an actor should also help add spice to any dull match.
12. Katti Ramesh Vishwanath (BJP) Constituency: Chikkodi (Karnataka) Total Criminal Cases: 1, Total IPC Charges : 2 Right Arm Wannabe (12th Man)
Although a novice compared to the rest of the team, Katti seems to have the potential to hopefully emulate some of his team members. He has only 2 charges, both are for ‘’wearing grab or carrying token used by public servant with fraudulent intent’’. This is a testament to his wannabe attitude. Hopefully he will be able to get his act together some day and break in to the main team.
* ALL INFORMATION IS BASED ON SELF SWORN AFFIDAVITS SUBMITTED BY CONTESTANTS TO THE ELECTION COMMISSION OF INDIA PRIOR TO CONTESTING THE 2009 LOK SABHA/GENERAL ELECTIONS.
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nice cross section of India’s politics..
but defamation..really? we really need to understand that the right to free expression is meaningless without the right to offend/defame etc. all protestations to the contrary are flawed and give more arbitrary powers to the state
Aah Aah! Dont under estimate Tamilnadu team The are much more capable. The will buy the cup with ground. There are family payers also!
Looks like congress is broadly exempted with one small time thief! The biggest murderers, terrorists and criminals decorate that party.
There was a lot of competition for the few slots available in this team. As described in the article, we have given a lot of consideration to variety and ingenuity of the crime committed. This is where some of the INC favorites missed out. However we respect the criminals of INC equally as those of any other party. We do not have any bias against them.
~WAHSARKAR SELECTION COMMITTEE
I don’t beleive this, if what you are saying is true, then make the correction now. There are bigger and worse criminals than someone with one or two crimes.
Relax Jai. Wipe those tears. No one will be taken to court based on this article. It’s just a satirical article, not an academic thesis indicting the worst criminal MPs.
With your selection, my sincere advice to you is do not attempt a thesis, you would be wasting your time. Invest your time for something else, you could make more that the dole that congress is giving you.
Exactly. This is NOT one. None of the ‘leaders’ mentioned here would be harmed in any way based on this article. So really, you can start unbunching those panties.
lol, anyways, stop riding on IAC’s success, people like you will derail the process that IAC has planned for the country’s good. btw blogging is not for sissies who cannot handle criticism, I am sure you can do better than trying to give smart alec answers for your critics, by doing so to you are driving people away from your crappy blog. I guess people have already started leaving since there is no new comment :). No leader will be harmed based on this article but sure you are trying to push your hidden congress agenda.
Thank you for your amazing insights and helping us better understand the world of blogging. We really appreciate the pains taken by you for the reform of this country. We can deduce from your continuous slander that you have been deeply hurt by the comments made about some MPs in this article. We sincerely apologize for this and only hope that the damage is not irreparable.
luks like jaikumar is relative of one of the murderers 😮 which one?
You seem to be a congress stooge.
SONIA GANDHI SHOULD BE THE COACH OF THE TEAM
sau me sawa sau beimaan, phir bhi mera bharat mahan , jai hind
Why does Advani and Narendra Modi is not in the team. Killers of 2749 people in gujarat and erecting Riot with there communal hatred speeched.
You are right. We probably should have researched on ”erection” related crimes.
~ WAHSARKAR SELECTION COMMITTEE
Team Manager, : RAJA, team public relation : Digviay Singh, Cheerleaders: Amar Singh, Team Doctor : Manmohan singh, twelth man: Chidambaram, Umpire: Kalmadi, Grounds Man: KPS gill, Viewer : Bharat Desh.
Great work by these corrupt politicians… and still we are choosing them.. wise politicians and fool public… just see once…
yeh baat to criminal eleven ki hue, what about corrupt eleven this list would be more interesting and impressive.
Sorry to Differ…. But this article shows another propaganda by Congress and there Supporter.
It’s ok. We forgive you. You can scroll down a little and see the other comments. You should get an answer for why your favourite Congerssmen were unable to make it to this team.
Why not Rajiv Gandhi, Jagdish Tytler and Arjun Singh in the list. Killers of 3500+ sikhs and provider of safe passage to the person who killed more than 30000 people in Bhopal. I don’t how you guys have selected the team.
Read the first few lines. You’ll get it. Don’t give up. It’s not too tough.
Everyone read it, don’t expect people to beleive it. come out clean, how much did congress pay you?
Around 3 rupees.. we are quite cheap.. we don’t mind spending this amount in buying you toffees to compensate the pain you’ve gone through because of this article.. Let us know your favourite flavour..
3 Rs. I can see that all the time you invested in bringing this crap has not paid you rich dividends, better luck next time. Forget about giving me toffee, I wouldn’t take it from a congress stooge.
rich dividends? Our initial plan was to attain world peace through this article. Almost there..
Guys, be careful, not that BJP is not corrupt, but wahsarkar looks like a congress tool. It has Varun Gandhi in and many BJP members and not a single congress member, apolitical is being fully political. Be aware..
YAAAAAAWN…Thank you Jai for warning humanity. Now once you get your panties out of a bunch, you could scroll up and down and read the other comments. You will get pointers to find some Congressmen. Once you do, please invite us to celebrate the joyous occasion.
Probably instead of sleeping if you wake up your dumb brain could become sharp, i did read the comments before posting, now that I read your newer comments, i am certain that the panty that you are wearing was also given by congress, come man, work hard so that you don’t have to take the doles hat congress gives you.
It’s wide awake. Still sees a bunch. A tight one.
y dnt u include andhrapradesh people like ysr jagan who spent 200 crores for single mp election and alleged in charges of murder of mla and few other people
If you would READ the article, you would know. Also, no one is going to be prosecuted based on this article. It is just a satirical take. If you would READ the article, you would know.
Team selector is also from congress, that I am sure the way I can see the eleven players.
Well done! Such intelligence is indeed rare. Scroll through the comments Atul. You’ll get a few pointers to Congressmen.
WHY ARE PPL POLITICIZING THIS??????????MAIN PROBLEM IS CRIMINALS IN POLITICS IRRESPECTIVE OF PERSON/PARTY…
Because by politicizing the issue and blaming opposition parties, the issue can be ignore. That’s what politicians do.
its true but how many of us realise our responsibility & r v not responsible for electing them? either by voting them or not bothering to caste vote….
Wahsarkaar please write something on governments take on rapes and the way they handle it, for instance always blaming the fairer sex.
Jai you are so right, i was looking corrupted criminal INC leaders and there was none of them….may be , wahsarkar left them because our so called “waah-sarkar” is so called apolitical
@0714d22a34654b82717f5d89c35b0de1:disqus Fantastic observation. Maybe you should have gone through a few more posts in the blog. Anyway, to make it easier for you, here you are — https://www.wahsarkar.com/?p=380
https://www.wahsarkar.com/?p=264
It is bad luck that Lalu Prasad Yadav is in jail I had a dream of making Lalu as the Prime Ministerial candidate of the Third Front in 2014 and Lalu made a mistake by supporting UPA 2 so now Congress sent him to jail.